Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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