So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Fuck appropriateness.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
