We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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