You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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