Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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