he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
