i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
did you just send me my own nude
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
