I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
