I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
