Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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