Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
