i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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