I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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