so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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