doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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