hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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