I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
