So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize