True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need to sanitize my soul.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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