im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
