I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
