is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
