A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
