Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
