I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
