I CAN MOONWALK!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
