we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When are your genitals available?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
