so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
