my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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