I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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