you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
