How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
