I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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