I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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