I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
