we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
