she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize