what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
