end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
false alarm, still single
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
