We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
