well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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