We got so high we made milksteak
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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