she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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