Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
