So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize