Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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