Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
