I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just blew my weed a kiss
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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