A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
