Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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