i love accidental penises.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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