I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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