Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
