dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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