what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
how does that bad decision feel?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
