We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
