there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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