So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
