5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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