Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They took my balls.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
