Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
