She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
