I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
