Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
