I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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