I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
