so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
