Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
