You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
