I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's always time for handjobs
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
