I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
