this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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