And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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